SORRY, NOT SORRY
I will begin with a blanket apology. Why? Because I know I am going to offend someone out there. probably more than one. Let’s face it you can’t say much these days without someone taking offense. I think we have to remind ourselves that not everything is a personal attack on us and that differences in opinion are good. There seems to be this pervasive culture of “I’m right and anyone who disagrees with me is an offensive moron “ While that is true in my instance it is not for the general population See there, I did it... someone out there will not understand , appreciate or enjoy the sarcasm of that statement but you are never going to please everyone and I’m ok with that.
So let me start by saying that I don’t really care all that much how my son got autism. See... another Britney Spears moment of oops I did it again. Someone will be appalled by that statement. I will repeat it.... I don’t care. It’s fruitless mental energy that could be spent somewhere else. Like finally conquering that damn stare at this picture of wavy lines until you see the picture of a pony... that drives me nuts to this day. Anyway do I want some qualified people out there to make sense of it and give answers.... of course. But I am fairly certain that this girl who got a 52 on her earth science regents and also is the sole reason her high school lab partner has one eyebrow is not the one to do it.
I AM HERE.... YOU ARE HERE. Do I wish I wasn’t.... of course. Now that will also be offensive to some. I completely understand wanting the world to embrace autism as I have devoted years of my life to this mission. There are however those who take great offense to calling autism a disability or portraying it as something negative. Now here it is.... wait for it.... brace yourselves. To ME, it is. Now pick your phone up off of the floor if you threw it in disgust. That was completely unnecessary. As I said in my first blog autism is many things... some beautiful and fascinating but in many ways.... it SUCKS. I was speaking so gracefully until that point but I had to use that word as it is simply the way I feel. Do I want to change the wonderful person my son is? NO. Do I wish he didn’t have Autism? He’ll to the yeah! He struggles with it every day. We struggle with it every day. If I had a magic wand to wave and take away his immense anxiety and difficulties in even the simplest of tasks of course I would. I would also invent that pill that you could take to make kale fattening and lemon meringue pie melt the pounds away but I digress.
We are a community of parents struggling to help our children no matter what age they are, live a happy life with whatever their diagnosis may be. And it’s exhausting. We need each other. We need support. We need to laugh. There is joy to be had even in an inappropriate politically incorrect way. It’s ok to make fun of something that isn’t funny. At least in my world. There is time for serious. I do boat loads of serious in my life. Without some funny I curl up and rock in the corner. Now it’s true everyone’s definition of funny is different. Find your funny wherever it lies.... pictures of people in Walmart, the nightly news...whatever makes you chuckle amongst the sadness. To illustrate this I will share something to embarrass my husband as that is another thing that brings me joy (don’t feel bad he knew what he got into). When we were trying to have a baby and struggling with fertility (very unfunny) we had to go for testing. The first step for my husband was to provide a sample. No, not a sample of his woodworking skills...a sample sample. They let you mercifully do that first one at home but it has to make it to the lab within a certain time frame. We made our journey mapping the most efficient safest route and made our way just in time to the building with our appropriately labeled little Brown lunch sack. My husband and I walk in to the busy waiting room and approach the glass sliding window that hadn’t seen WD40 since 1940 and proceeds to hand the bag with relief to the reception staff who was about 15 years passed retirement age and had the friendly expression of Nurse Ratchet. He looks her directly in the eye and exclaims , “I’m sorry it’s not my best work”
Inappropriate... yes. Embarrassing in the moment...yes. Hysterically funny in retrospect and something we joke about often ... oh yes. Life is full of hard moments. Find the chuckle where and when you can and share it with others who may be in need of a chuckle. If they get offended so be it you can ALWAYS share it with me.